Discipleship is not Legalism
"I haven't seen Leslie for the last few weeks at church or Youth Group, is everything okay?", I asked.
"Everything's fine. Leslie has just gotten to the point where she doesn't enjoy church or Youth Group anymore. I remember when I was growing up, my parents forced me to go to church and Youth Group and I resented them for it. When I left for college, I couldn't wait to get away from the church.
It took some good friends to draw me back to Christ. However, when I came back, I came back because I wanted to. I wanted a closer relationship with Christ, not the legalism my parents raised me with.
I want the same for Leslie. I really want her to follow Christ because she wants to, not because she has to because I say so. So please pray for her, that this season doesn't last long. And thank you for your concern." Amanda said, as she began to walk away, indicating that the conversation was over.
Not surprisingly, I didn't see much of Leslie after that. She came a few years to camp. She showed up on occasion at church, especially on Christmas and Easter. She left for college and is no closer to loving Jesus than when she was allowed to leave the church at age 14.
All of this because of a faulty understanding of the word legalism to the neglect of discipleship.
A great article on legalism from Ligonier Ministries helps describe the three different types of legalism. In short, legalism is 1) trying to do works to earn salvation, 2) relying upon the letter of the law rather than the spirit of the law or 3) adding our own rules to God's law and treating it as divine (usually to the neglect of the Word of God and the commands of Christ).
Many well meaning parents believe, as the conversation above suggests, that forcing children or youth to go to church falls under definition #1 or #2 of legalism. After all, you don't have to go to church to be a Christian, right? And the last thing many parents want is for their children to hate going to church. So claiming that they wish to follow the spirit of the law, which is to have their children want to go to church for the right reasons (a true love for Jesus), they allow their children to choose not to go to church, usually around the Jr. High or High School years.
However, discipleship is not legalism and by treating discipleship as legalism, parents unwittingly fall under the third definition of legalism while trying to avoid the first two definitions.
Some will object to the idea of going to church as discipleship. But those same parents have no problem making their children go to a Math class that they hate. We force our children to go to school or to teach them at home subjects, such as, Math, English, History, Science, etc... and I have never heard a parent complain that they were being legalistic about forcing their children or youth to do so, even if they didn't want to.
Ephesians 4:11-16 shares with us the ultimate purpose of the church, the gathering of believers:
It was He (Christ) who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.
Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into Him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From Him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.
The church is supposed to be a training ground in community where we use our gifts on one another first, building each other up in love and in the knowledge of the Son of God (see also, Heb. 10:24-25).
When it comes to school, we have no problem if our children and youth don't particularly like a certain subject because we understand the value of education in a way they do not. So we make them go to classes they do not like, do homework that they do not like, suffer under teachers that they do not like, because the end result isn't a passing grade of a class, but information that we believe they need to be mature in their basic understanding of subjects they will use in life to help them choose a career and make a living. All of this happens though being forced to stay in a learning environment they would otherwise leave, if given the opportunity. (Seriously, ask any teenager if they want go to school).
A quick look at the Great Commission that Jesus gave all of us reveals how treating church going as legalism actually undermines His very commands:
Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to Me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely, I am with you always, to the very end of the age." --Matthew 28:18-20 (emphasis mine)
Consider: Every "one another" passage in the New Testament are commands to be followed in community (and are impossible to do outside of the community of believers).
1) Encourage one another (Heb. 10:24-25; 1 Thess. 5:11)
2) Love one another (John 13:34-35)
3) Accept one another (Romans 15:7)
4) Instruct, teach and admonish one another (Romans 15:4; Colossians 3:16-17)
5) Serve one another (Galatians 5:13)
6) Forgive one another (Ephesians 4:31-32)
7) Offer hospitality to one another (1 Peter 4:9)
8) Have fellowship with one another (1 John 4:7; Heb. 10:24-25)
9) Confront one another lovingly, yet truthfully about sin (Matthew 18:15-17)
10) Build up one another to maturity (Ephesians 4:11-16)
Not all of those one another passages are easy or fun, but they are all commanded of us as believers in Jesus Christ for the purpose of building us to a mature belief in our faith in Christ.
When we allow our children and youth the choice of disobedience to those commands under the guise of wanting to foster a true love for Jesus, we actually undermine our goal by doing so. For it was Jesus who said, "If anyone loves Me, he will obey My teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. He who does not love Me will not obey My teaching. These words you hear are not My own; they belong to the Father who sent Me." --John 14:23-24
Our man-made rule of allowing our children and youth the right to choose not to go to church is actually the third definition of legalism, as it has created a culture whereby following its command we are, in reality, disobeying the Lord's command to disciple our children in the Lord (see also Deut. 6:4-9; Deut. 11:13-21; Psalm 78:1-8; Eph. 6:4). We cannot foster a love for Jesus by teaching them that it is permissible to disobey His commands, when it is the very obedience to those commands that ultimately show our love for Him.
So the next time your child asks not to go to church...I pray you will know how to answer them.
"Everything's fine. Leslie has just gotten to the point where she doesn't enjoy church or Youth Group anymore. I remember when I was growing up, my parents forced me to go to church and Youth Group and I resented them for it. When I left for college, I couldn't wait to get away from the church.
It took some good friends to draw me back to Christ. However, when I came back, I came back because I wanted to. I wanted a closer relationship with Christ, not the legalism my parents raised me with.
I want the same for Leslie. I really want her to follow Christ because she wants to, not because she has to because I say so. So please pray for her, that this season doesn't last long. And thank you for your concern." Amanda said, as she began to walk away, indicating that the conversation was over.
Not surprisingly, I didn't see much of Leslie after that. She came a few years to camp. She showed up on occasion at church, especially on Christmas and Easter. She left for college and is no closer to loving Jesus than when she was allowed to leave the church at age 14.
All of this because of a faulty understanding of the word legalism to the neglect of discipleship.
A great article on legalism from Ligonier Ministries helps describe the three different types of legalism. In short, legalism is 1) trying to do works to earn salvation, 2) relying upon the letter of the law rather than the spirit of the law or 3) adding our own rules to God's law and treating it as divine (usually to the neglect of the Word of God and the commands of Christ).Many well meaning parents believe, as the conversation above suggests, that forcing children or youth to go to church falls under definition #1 or #2 of legalism. After all, you don't have to go to church to be a Christian, right? And the last thing many parents want is for their children to hate going to church. So claiming that they wish to follow the spirit of the law, which is to have their children want to go to church for the right reasons (a true love for Jesus), they allow their children to choose not to go to church, usually around the Jr. High or High School years.
However, discipleship is not legalism and by treating discipleship as legalism, parents unwittingly fall under the third definition of legalism while trying to avoid the first two definitions.
Some will object to the idea of going to church as discipleship. But those same parents have no problem making their children go to a Math class that they hate. We force our children to go to school or to teach them at home subjects, such as, Math, English, History, Science, etc... and I have never heard a parent complain that they were being legalistic about forcing their children or youth to do so, even if they didn't want to.
Ephesians 4:11-16 shares with us the ultimate purpose of the church, the gathering of believers:
It was He (Christ) who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.
Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into Him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From Him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.
The church is supposed to be a training ground in community where we use our gifts on one another first, building each other up in love and in the knowledge of the Son of God (see also, Heb. 10:24-25).
When it comes to school, we have no problem if our children and youth don't particularly like a certain subject because we understand the value of education in a way they do not. So we make them go to classes they do not like, do homework that they do not like, suffer under teachers that they do not like, because the end result isn't a passing grade of a class, but information that we believe they need to be mature in their basic understanding of subjects they will use in life to help them choose a career and make a living. All of this happens though being forced to stay in a learning environment they would otherwise leave, if given the opportunity. (Seriously, ask any teenager if they want go to school).
A quick look at the Great Commission that Jesus gave all of us reveals how treating church going as legalism actually undermines His very commands:
Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to Me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely, I am with you always, to the very end of the age." --Matthew 28:18-20 (emphasis mine)
Consider: Every "one another" passage in the New Testament are commands to be followed in community (and are impossible to do outside of the community of believers).
1) Encourage one another (Heb. 10:24-25; 1 Thess. 5:11)
2) Love one another (John 13:34-35)
3) Accept one another (Romans 15:7)
4) Instruct, teach and admonish one another (Romans 15:4; Colossians 3:16-17)
5) Serve one another (Galatians 5:13)
6) Forgive one another (Ephesians 4:31-32)
7) Offer hospitality to one another (1 Peter 4:9)
8) Have fellowship with one another (1 John 4:7; Heb. 10:24-25)
9) Confront one another lovingly, yet truthfully about sin (Matthew 18:15-17)
10) Build up one another to maturity (Ephesians 4:11-16)
Not all of those one another passages are easy or fun, but they are all commanded of us as believers in Jesus Christ for the purpose of building us to a mature belief in our faith in Christ.
When we allow our children and youth the choice of disobedience to those commands under the guise of wanting to foster a true love for Jesus, we actually undermine our goal by doing so. For it was Jesus who said, "If anyone loves Me, he will obey My teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. He who does not love Me will not obey My teaching. These words you hear are not My own; they belong to the Father who sent Me." --John 14:23-24
Our man-made rule of allowing our children and youth the right to choose not to go to church is actually the third definition of legalism, as it has created a culture whereby following its command we are, in reality, disobeying the Lord's command to disciple our children in the Lord (see also Deut. 6:4-9; Deut. 11:13-21; Psalm 78:1-8; Eph. 6:4). We cannot foster a love for Jesus by teaching them that it is permissible to disobey His commands, when it is the very obedience to those commands that ultimately show our love for Him.
So the next time your child asks not to go to church...I pray you will know how to answer them.
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