Spiritual Fathers Needed

Thank you for just always being there for me, he said through tears.

Being there for him consisted of playing a lot of games with him, picking on his favorite football team, praying with him during good and bad times, keeping him accountable concerning important and hard decisions and making sure that he kept his foundation in Christ.  He has been over to our house countless times, gone with us to baseball games and concerts, gotten rides from us to and from church, life group and youth group so much that it just seemed a natural part of our routine.

While this isn't my son, what we did with him mirrors what we did with our son.  He represents someone whom we have spent nearly a decade investing part of our lives into.  Now in an unexpected moment, he took the time to share with me what that sacrifice meant to him through the years.  

This account represents just one of a number of people that I (and my family) have adopted over the years.  

The Bible describes our position in Christ of that as an adopted son (Eph. 1:3-10).  We weren't naturally His, but chosen by Him to receive redemption through Jesus to all who believed in Him (see also, John 1:10-13).  Through Christ's sacrifice, we are adopted into the family of God.  By mirroring His sacrifice to others, we invite people into our own family with the hope of seeing them grow into the greater family of God.

This idea is what is known as spiritual fatherhood.  It is something that we need much more of in our church today and needs men to lead that charge.  But in order to know how to do spiritual fatherhood well it is important to gain context of what it means to be a spiritual father.  

Paul refers to himself as a father, in the spiritual sense, a few times in the Scriptures (1 Cor. 4:14-17; 1 Thess. 2:10-12).  In the Corinthian reference, Paul defines pretty clearly what he means by becoming their father by saying:  Even though you have ten thousand guardians in Christ, you do not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel (v. 15).  If the introduction of the gospel is the definition of spiritual fatherhood to a group of people, then we can safely say that Paul would consider himself a spiritual father everywhere he planted a church by introducing the gospel.  In Paul's case, this distinction would mean that most of his epistles to the churches he founded, he would consider himself a spiritual father to them.  (The exception being the Roman church which was not planted by him.  To them, he would "only" be an apostle.)

In other cases, he refers to certain specific people as "sons" (1 Cor. 4:17; Phil. 2:22; 1 Tim. 1:2, 18; 2 Tim. 1:2; 2 Tim. 2:1; Titus 1:4; Philemon 10).  The people specifically mentioned here are Timothy, Titus and Onesimus.  These were people whom Paul had a specific and personal hand in bringing the gospel to and bringing into maturity.  These men would spend years under his tutelage, growing in their faith.  He oversaw their growth in Christ personally and sent them out to minister, not just in the name of Christ, but with his authority.  Basically, if you had heard from them, you had also heard from the one who had trained them in their faith.  

Through these observations, we can see what it means to be a true spiritual father to someone in a Biblical sense:

1)  We must be intentional about sharing the gospel with someone who needs it.

Hanging out with our children's friends can be fun, but that isn't spiritual fatherhood.  Spiritual fatherhood begins when we share Christ to those who need His grace and they accept that sacrifice.  It does no good to spend all of this time with these people and hope they might know the underlying reason why we are doing such things.  God has called us to make disciples of all nations...by teaching them to obey everything Jesus commanded (Matt. 28:18-20).  That will never happen if they have to guess why we are being nice to them.

2)  We must be willing to spend lots of time investing in their growth in Jesus Christ.

Just as Paul did with Timothy, Titus & Onesimus, we must be willing to spend a lot of time encouraging them in their growth in their faith in Christ.  This happens in the course of living life together.  Remember that list of things at the beginning of this article?  Yes, lots of fun times to be sure, but more importantly, intentional times focused on encouraging them in the faith.  This will take years of commitment, much like true fatherhood does.

3)  We must be willing to both encourage and correct.

When Paul is speaking to the Corinthian believers, he is correcting them and warning them.  It is nice to be seen as the cool family.  My wife and I have asked ourselves many times recently:  How did that happen?  Part of the reason that it happened, I truly believe, is because we haven't been afraid to correct those under our spiritual care.  It isn't the fun part of being a parent, but it is necessary for the growth of those in our care.  

4)  We must not give up just because some of our spiritual children go astray.

One of the hardest realities of spiritual fatherhood is the understanding that many whom you have invested your life in that they may know Jesus will falter and some even fall away from the faith they once professed.  Continuing to look at the life of Paul, when you read his epistles you can see that he cares deeply for each of the congregations and people that he has shared Christ with.  He is pained at every turning away and betrayal.  As spiritual fathers, we will also have the same pain.  But in order to find the Timothys, Tituses and Onesimuses, we must also be willing to endure the Alexanders of the world (2 Tim. 4:14).

5)  We must be willing to do these things because they serve as one of the greatest examples for our own children concerning their discipleship.

My children are nearly all grown now (my youngest turns 18 by the end of this month).  All of them are investing in the lives of their friends.  My son and my youngest are discipling their friends on their own.  They have set aside time specifically for seeing growth spiritually in their friends, not as part of a church program either.    

I remember commenting on my oldest daughter's generosity.  She is always giving gifts to her friends.  And not just any type of gift either, but truly meaningful and thoughtful gifts, often an encouragement to their faith.  Her comment in response was that she had learned that from me and her mother.  She always remembered people coming over and leaving with a game or something...just because they said they enjoyed it.

Whether generosity or discipleship, your children have a better chance of building it in their lives, if they see it is more than just words in your life.  Our families need more spiritual fathers.  On the eve of this Father's Day, I pray you may consider being one to someone else.  Both you and your children will be better for it.